Friday, July 28, 2006

been slackin in lab for the whole 5days. i dun have the mood to do anything even if i try doing it.. the pc will hang... deployment fails.. code doesn't work. jus so sucky. wadever abt sch.. i'm not in the mood for sch related stuffs at this moment. didnt really spend much time with my frenz..only during lunch hours... i'm not in the mood to be out or anywhere. count me out for everything. the time isn't right. and frenz who used to be fren and whom aren't fren anymore. sry don't ask me anything, i'm jus lagging far behind everyone. i got too much to handle now.

i'm more concern about granny. visited her directly after sch these few days. she looks better and better each day. from what i observe she's improving. jus now we tested her.. i went fwd to her askin her whether she recognise and know who i am not. one glance only she say dunno.. until i told her.. take a closer look.. she say "CONNIE!" yes! from young she look after me. and very often every sat or sun i'll go over to her hse with mum n da jie. glad to see her condition improving. but i was very very extremely put down by bro sms. he asked me how's granny and when she wud be discharge. i told him she is fine and doc will discharge her if she is in the right state to go home. but after exchanging a few smses frm bro.. he said granny is suffering there, she wants to be home. ok bro i understand wad u mean by this. i also heard from the others to bring her home if she insisting on going home. but everyone hopes the best for her to be discharge and let her health improve. didnt reply him after the very last msg.. i know i'm gonna cry out and freak the hell out of everyone and starts to scold bro. felt very demoralized by what he said. i wan nthing but granny to cover.

mum wasnt at her very best too. ytd she went out and she forgotten to turn off the fire. she was boiling some stuffs over low fire. 4hours later after she was out. dad went home and to find the whole house smoky and smelly. its the burnt smell of the stuffs she's boiling. luckily there was no fire. else i dunno wads the consequences wil be. everything in the house smells burnt... the clothes.. cushions.. curtains. cupboards were covered with smokes. 1st and 2nd floor including our bedrms were filled with that smell. everything is so toxic. tat includes the water at home.. it has the taste of charred stuffs.

one of my auntie.. i feel like smacking her hard on the mouth for sayin so much nonsence. ALWAYS REMEMBER USE UR BRAIN TO THINK!!! BUT U NEVER THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAKS! you always think you are right! but NO, NEVER. maybe 1 out of 10 times u r right! pathetic uh? whatever u said really sucks to the core. mock ur words it wud take a turning point and shoot it against urself. ur mouth jus stinks like shit! worst than the sewage! i respect u as an elder so i nv talk back to u. tis time ard wont be that lucky of i hear all those stuffs again!

headach.. troubled.. doubtful. the ride home was bumpy due to massive jam and car accident at PIE changi.. it stretch all the way to CTE. stucked there for almost an hr.. wont be stucked there if took train home. life was at risk. traffic moving slow yet stil speed pass the road shoulder. thanks to the reckless driver. stil can't get to slp due to the late dinner.. everything is happening one by one.. 1stly saw don at bugis last wk.. things wasnt goin well met out on sat with them.. it was v weird but i tried to ignore it. and monday things happen to granny... thurs kitchen almost caught fire. everything is so unlucky. might not play a big role in the family but there is no one who can help. da jie jus changed her job.. cant anyhow take off.. er jie buddy on leave cannot take leave too.. bro stil need to go camp.. dad needs to work.. mum needs to shutter between home n hospital.. i need to go sch. but i dun wan mum to be worn out. pls let everything has a turning point to make life that wont be so physical and mentally consuming.

to all: please and DON'T aggravate me at this point of time. i know i'll be to the extreme of destroying everything which is once beautiful. i know others will say if things meant to happen this way there is no way of turning it back. you will never understand how i feel until u have a taste of it. find me scary or wad i dun care. u wan to be fren with me or enemy go ahead. all i need now is time.

thanks ler for being there.
ciao!

♥ connie at 11:58 PM