Sunday, April 29, 2007

a lazy sunday.. as usual went to pray granny... gt my 1st pay.. usually in my family when we gt our 1st pay we wud treat granny or give her some spare cash to spend.. but now i gt my pay.. i only can buy vegetarian food as offerings to her.. i dunno wad to say...

heard another sad news frm my sec sch fren.. our sec sch physics teacher mr.ho had passed away... if i'm nt wrong he was diagnosed with cancer for years alrdy. he's a very nice teacher... never fail to bring the cls together as one.. the nice pple always leave earlier than those evil-doers. thats y i always say.. life is unfair...

xiao mei if u reading tis.. sad to know abt the lost of ur grandma.. stay strong.. cheer up! she won't feel good to see u in tis state too? She maybe gone physically... but will always lives deeply in ur heart =) take care, alrite.

gotta slp and wake up early for work tmr..
goodbye.

♥ connie at 11:00 PM

Friday, April 27, 2007

Its been 3rd wk at work.. cool~ time flies... so fast... happy with everything at work.. handed some stuffs over to our HOD i guess many pple r afraid of her.. but i dun feel anything bcos i dunno who she is and she dunno who i am.. anyway when she shook her hand with me.. my fingers were so cold that it woke her up hahahaha... so so so cold for the rest of the day~~ did smthing 'new' too.. haha order baby hamper!!!! HAHAHAHA.. looked thru catalogue placed order n stil add this n tt.. so buay tahan i actually laugh n laugh while doing tt.. i am evil wanting to order the hamper filled with different brands of diapers hehehe.. but well i didnt order that =P

tdy saw david gan the hairstylist during our lunch time. when i saw him i told my manager.. thats david gan.. and slowly our whole table jus turn our head n look at him ahahaa.. so obvious... he was with another make-up artist.. dunno is it andy lee...
wanted to meet my frenz for dinner.. but the sudden down pour was really terrible... gave it a missed n went home... wonder when is the nxt time meeting u guys out.. hmm.~

only manage to blog only on fri n wkends.... cos wkdays simply too tired.. even to come online is sucha lazy thing for me to do.. well.. at least i am out of the virtual world unlike the past.. life is great as of now. =)

ciao!

♥ connie at 11:17 PM

Saturday, April 21, 2007

I dreamt...

last nite... i dreamt of Granny. Okay, woke up to find myself in tears.. i dreamt of Granny and i dunno at which hdb flat... probably its the old hse which she lived in before... when she is still ard i always hold her when she walks alone w/o the support of her walkin-stick.. so in the dream.. i am supporting her to grab some bite.. after that.. she walked towards to the door.. and i asked her where she goin.. she replied me.. "No one wants me anymore..." i tried to hold her but... my hand jus passed thru hers and she disappear.... and i'm awake after that.. Granny often say no one wants her... now when she is not ard anymore.. she still mention such thing. believe it or not its up to individual....

woke up at ard 7.30am.. and i cant get to slp anymore... so waited for philip to come my hse and go over to pray Granny at the temple... too we went to jurong to see where Granny ash is placed. The location was deep in choa chu kang... but inside the memorial hall it surprised me... air conditioned environment... what wow-ed me even more was to find out the cost of purchasing a 'place' at the air-con hall cost over $20k. it was really nicely done up.. with huge statue of various Gods ard... indeed an eye-opening day..

alrite.. so much for the saturday.. another weekend gone~
bye~

♥ connie at 11:06 PM

Friday, April 20, 2007

Hmm.. been rather busy to blog. slping rather early on wkdays too... and automatically wakes up at 8plus on the wkends... surprisingly thou i'm tired but i stil wake up tt early.. bio clock changed~

work load is stil pretty fine.. thou blunders are made here and there sometimes... tdy had lucnh over at bugis.. cos its FRIDAY! so its smthing different.. haha.. had walk-a-jog thingy at 5pm. suppose to be all officer staff to be involve.. but less than 20 went for it.. walked ard kallang area.. and breathin in the carbon monoxide instead of fresh air~ but stil ok la.. at least had some time to take the work load off our minds...

mmm... so much for now.. can't think of wad else to blog..
bye~

♥ connie at 10:57 PM

Friday, April 13, 2007

I'm Back.

Been sometimes since i last blogged. Well, things are moving back to the same except for the boring sundays i get. Haven been meeting any friends out. Neither any contact except the usual. Declare them missing.

Currently, i'm employed by Parkway Shenton Pte Ltd. Worked for a week alrdy in the HR dept as a temp... all thingy there are confidential.. almost everyday arrange interview.. get to meet new pple everyday... talk to new pple almost every minute... Pretty cool, anyway. greatest thing is.. the office is jus 10mins journey from my hse. and 4 buses stop at that same stop. i gt no worries abt being late, late oso nvm.. cos everyday in my dept i am the earliest to be there... 5days frm 8.30am-6pm. although jus started work for a week.. the pple there are fun! very crappy esp. the different dept lunch out together.. thou lunch is 1hr.. but we took more time than wad we are suppose to... the co. leads a very healthy lifestyle.. every thurs they have walk-a-jog at 5pm.. 1hr b4 work ends... so gotta bring attire and change. for tis wk its held tdy.. but due to the heavy rain it was cancelled!! when i saw the email i quickly told my colleagues.. QUICK CHECK EMAIL! and we go "HOORAY" Manager came out frm her office and asked us wads the commotion for.. hehe.. she knew almost all dislike the walk-a-jog thingy.
Happy with my work as for now.

tdy received call frm singapore power. they are offering me the job. the interview with them was done after i accepted Parkway Shenton. surprised to receive their call.. bcos after the interview with them i am very sure i won't be offered the job due to my gabra-ness.. dunno wan to switch a not. over at Parkway its a temp position when they found one who is suitable for the post it will be goodbye for me. but for SP i went for the interview and i find e pple there might be hard to handle. but definately pay is higher.. who knows Parkway might offer me a perm job after my contract ends?
but i felt pretty lucky. these r e 2 jobs that i apply on my own instead of goin thru agency.. and yeah shortlisted.

Need to come to a decision by Monday. and stil i'm nt sure...

♥ connie at 11:15 PM

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Its the 7th day since Ah Ma passed away. So went over with mum and bro. usually when i reached there and i look into the hse, i wud see her sitting on her usual chair watchin tv if not she's resting in the rm. but tdy.. things were so different... looked into the hse i saw an empty chair.. walked into her room its empty.. its so empty. only my uncle n maid is home... not long aft i reached.. bob, sean n aunt came too.. whenever sean reached he wud greet Granny loudly at the doorstep. but tdy.. he walked into e rm and asked me "lao-ma where?" he knew Ah ma passed away but didn't know he won't get to see her in person anymore. i told him "lao-ma went to far away place. won't come back anymore.." bob told sean no more lao-ma to play cars with him too... sean jus kept quiet. mavis did ask me too.. and i really dunno how to explain to them... got to get use to such environment when i go over to ah ma hse again.

after that, went town to look for more office wear attire. didnt purchase any but tried on and consider before 'investing' on it. went over to pacific plaza.. drive there is inconvenient..it has horrible parking lots.. driveway is so mini.. big cars will have problems... while seiyu bugis has ample lots and spacious too. newbie drivers better not play afool with pacific plaza basement carpark.

its so difficult to laugh heartily and smile recently. everything jus went numb. can't imagine myself to keep the stern face while someone tells a joke and everyone is laughing head over heel. only with my family than i am able to do so. the sudden change is drastic.

alrite people, cherish everyone ard u, tell them hw much u love them and always spend quality time too. don't regret aft you lost them. u will never be able to forgive yourself.
i gt no regrets when ah ma left us. i always spend quality time with her since young. whenever she comes my hse, she wud slp only on my bed. she said she's more use to the position. wud massage her when she claimed she felt pain.. accompany her for morning walks.. lend her a helping hand and support her when she wants to stands up.. when i'm still a kid i accompanied her to market as early as 6.30am.. get groceries n breakfast.. always climb to her side n slp when it rained heavily at nite.. i always 'catch' the smokes tt she puff frm the cigarettes.. lots of things i done with her. lastly, i get to keep her company for the very last time, had a very last meal with her too. only mum and i did, no other cousins or aunties or uncles manage to. self-console myself n mum, we felt fortunate to accompany Ah ma on her last journey.

♥ connie at 11:39 PM

Monday, April 02, 2007

I wished today never comes...

I wish today never come.

I won't get to see my Ah Ma in person, anymore. I won't get to lunch with her. I won't get to talk with her. I won't get to watch tv with her. I won't get to tease and joke with her. I won't get to do so many things with her. And i won't get to call Ah-Ma anymore.

Today was the last day of Grannys' wake. It was a heart wrenching moment. Ceromonial was done before heading to Mandai. During the 5 days of wake, always stayed till as late as possible. Thats the only last few days i get to see her. All the time i spent with her just flash back whenever i went in to see her. Even sat by her side with bob, my sisters n alvin. Burnt joss paper, constantly checking the joss stick to ensure its continuous burning. To prevent the stiffness in the air, bob even joked that Ah Gong must be angry with Granny for making him waited over 21yrs for her. And now they are finally reunited.

Granny is happy to be in another world. These are the signs from the old-tales i heard from.
It rained heavily aft Granny was laid into e coffin.
Joss sticks that were offered burnt in quick seconds.
After Granny was cremated, it rained heavily.
Once it was raining heavily and my aunt realised the seat for Granny was wet! Due to the leakage in the root of the multifunctional hall at the void deck. And quickly they wiped it and open the umbrella. Within minutes the rain stopped.

My bro suppose to be in taiwan but very last min we called for him to fly back. Even thou Granny knows he is in taiwan for training, but stil its a wiser choice to let him know and arrange for flight to fly him back and pay the very last respect to Granny.

Ytd screwed my eldest auntie, shit-tified big bicycle! makes me lose my cool and shouted at her. She told us to go over to her house and fetch her. Thou Dad was late for work, he stil went to fetch her. But we waited for 15mins she doesnt appear so at 9.40am Dad drove off. And she only called me at 10.01AM and screamed into my ears y aren't we there yet. Wadever i said on phone is useless. Until i saw her at Grannys' wake, she shouted to my mum and say she saw Dads' car drove off and quickly called us. who the hell she kidding mann. Fuck! shouted back to her.. we left at 9.40AM and she called at 10.01AM. it has difference of 21mins! no logic at all! she made me do at her infront of all uncles & Granny. She kept on nagging and nagging. mum doesn't want to argue with her. i shut her up by asking her.. "Aren't you here alrdy? say so much for wad!" i dislikes pple to shout at my mum. Ever since that incident, no uncles dare to step on my tail or order me or my family to do anything. usually no one dares to fight back to her, but its getting me on my nerves so tolerate such a person. bob talked to me while offering joss paper to Granny. I know her pattern is like that. But whats the point of respecting her when she doesn't even respect my mum at all. And serves her right for creating such a din by disturbing Granny. She fell infront of Grannys' altar tripping over a rope. Granny punished her! Granny kicked her to fall! Granny tripped her!

Tdy screwed e youngest uncle. he is totally unreasonable. those who wants to drive their car to the crematorium needs to tie red ribbon and get a pair of orange to leave it in car. so he asked me to tie it on those car who came. crazy! i told him those who wants to drive shud ask for it instead of asking each and everyone who is driving there. i am oso not in the mood for anything. and i am only grandchild, are those sons so useless to do sucha task? Makes me n bob damm angry. already feeling so mixed up inside me still come and trigger my temper! The feeling of losing Granny who looked aft me since young, one whom i always respect.

Since Granny is gone now. I guess all relatives won't get to meet unless there is 'red' or 'white' matter. The family is scattered.

Now only can go to the temple and pray her. But I still can't believe i am praying her. i feels so numb.
Missing you, my dearest Ah Ma.